This is the time of year to be grateful to Jesus because he got you a few extra days off from work.
Thanks to autocorrecting, the children who don’t check over their work will be getting a visit from Satan this year.
It’s the thought that counts and I put a ton of thought into picking out this Christmas card for you!
One of the best things about Christmas is the office Christmas party. It’s a great opportunity to finally meet face-to-face the people who you’ve been emailing from a few feet away all year.
I like my men like I like my Christmas ornaments: bright, colorful and well hung!
Do you know why this Christmas card is so wonderful? Because it isn’t an email and it isn’t a text.
Money is scarce, times are hard, but I still managed to get you a Christmas card.
A Christmas greeting from a lawyer: Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Disclaimer: the wisher of these wishes claims no liability, the terms ‘merry’ and ‘happy’ should not be construed as legal advice and the word ‘Christmas’ should be interpreted as including any and all other holidays, religious or otherwise, that occur in/or around the same time of year.
Sorry to inform you but Christmas is canceled this year. Apparently, YOU told Santa you were good this year and he died laughing.
Can I please have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
Does anyone else think it is strange that we allow an old, fat man to sneak into our house in the middle of the night, eat cookies and drink milk and then fill our socks with his junk?
I am permanently on the naughty list, and damn proud of it too!
I took my daughter to go see Santa at the mall, and guess what that jerk did? He called her a ‘ho’ three times!
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house everyone was on their phone.
“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas, the birth of Santa?”
“Christmas is the time when everyone wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” – Phyllis Diller
“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” – Jay Leno
“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” – Dave Berry
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple
“Santa knows Physics: Of all colors, Red Light penetrates fog best. That’s why Benny the Blue-nosed reindeer never got the gig.” – Neil deGrasse Tyson
“I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said ‘Happy Birthday’ on it. I didn’t want to waste it so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it.” – Demetri Martin
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